Therapy

I don't really know if anyone reads this, but I find this strangely therapeutic. I used to write fanfictions as a teenager, not because I have a way with words but maybe because my mind is always going a mile a minute. It also goes back to having daydreams about unlikely love stories and being able to live a life so different from my own.

But after being inactive for a little more than a month, I returned to this blog to find one comment from an anonymous poster (hello!) Even though I didn't really expect to have anyone respond (at least in a positive manner) it was actually kind of cool to know that someone out there knows of my story that no one else in my life outside the virtual confines of this blog will ever know (hopefully it stays that way).

So thank you, whoever you are reading this right now, for sticking through the highs and lows and my painfully dumb decisions.

Present day

Let's just forget about the nitty gritty details of my last trip to Cuba (seeing that I'm having a hard time recalling things anyways) Let's talk about now.

A few red flags have already been risen when it comes to Jorge. One is definitely that he wants me to "top up" his phone via a website (www.ezetop.com) I've seen mentioned in a few other blogs/forums when it comes to having "friends" in Cuba. The first time he asked, I was disappointed but it wasn't that I didn't expect it - I caused a stink about it but ended up doing it cause what the hell, it's Christmas and as bad as it is, I justified it as "charity". Wow - I still feel like an asshole just writing that. The second time he asked for a top up was two nights ago - this time I didn't hold back and accused him of looking for someone to "take care" of him and the response I got back made me feel like an even BIGGER asshole. But in my defence, I'd rather be prepared and offensive versus naive and stupid. (Attached screenshot below) Anyways, he texted a portion of his message in Spanish and it basically says that my words hurt blahblahblah. I don't know how thick a Cuban's metaphorical skin is, but when you tell a guy off and basically state that there is nothing about our relationship that actually resembles a relationship - they usually back off. But I guess you don't turn your back on a perceived 'jackpot' so easily.

On a side note - I am quite impressed with how quickly I am able to identify Spanish words/sentences now even without the aid of an online translator. If nothing good comes out if this experience, I have to say at least I am brushing up on my language skills.

Cuba III - continued

Whew. Picking up from where I left off almost a month ago is taxing on the brain, don't really remember things as clearly anymore so maybe I'll just blurt out parts that stood out to, here goes...

New Cuban dancer friend is not so slick when asking for things - he needs to brush up on his not so subtle hinting. He out rightly began asking for things like perfume, make up, clothing etc and then asks me to go up to the bartender and ask for a big bottle of beer - Jorge of course either out of anger that another Cuban was trying to take advantage of what HE was trying to take advantage  (if that makes sense) put a stop to that immediately by telling new dancer friend to basically eff off.

New dancer friend appears to no longer be a friend after that incident (note: he kept his distance from then on)

Seriously noted lots of staring and whispering going on as the week went on, but whatever, chin up I suppose because I know what they're saying and even though I have no clue what I doing - I would still like to think that I am not a complete ding-dong and at least know there's no such thing as true love in Cuba. Come on now, I am suspicious of feelings and true intentions even when I am in Canada - trust issues to the max over here.

I think it's actually better that during the day there is no such thing as acknowledging each other as if we haven't just spent the night sleeping together. Surprisingly easy when it's kind of understood that we are two different people when the sun is up.

I have begun revisiting the thought that I had when I heard that dancers sleep with people for money. Basically I was like ew but then I realized...aren't I doing the same thing by leaving a "tip" for Jorge  whenever I leave Cuba. The realization dawned that I essentially just paid for a male prostitute. OH. MY. GOD. The shit that happens in Cuba...pre-Cuba me would NOT be impressed with post-Cuba me.