Spanish nights

I have just returned from my fourth trip to Cuba and this trip has definitely been incredibly different from the last three.

Let's start from the beginning, prior to returning to the hotel I had to warn Jorge not to act like he knew me because I was going with a group of friends that knew nothing about myself keeping in touch with Jorge. I have to hand it to him, he handled it like a pro and even shook all our hands as if he vaguely remembered our faces but didn't quite know us. It was amazing being back in paradise with the same group of people I had first fallen in love with Cuba. The night air smelled intoxicating and the familiar sights of the hotel and staff within it was comforting - a home coming.

This time around, I felt a genuine connection between myself and Jorge (not in a oh-my-god I'm in love sort of way) But more like, we acknowledge that we can talk with each other in more ways than just through attraction. The kind where you can talk for hours about things and laugh, the real kind of belly laugh you have when you're amongst friends. It was nice to lay some things on the table, such as admitting to one another that there are other "boyfriend and girlfriend" around when we aren't spending the week together. It's dawned on me that this is probably the most truth I've gotten out of him since I've met him. We talked about his past girlfriends and his Cuban ex girlfriend, and he'd stare off into space as he tried to find the words to convey things that were on his mind. That's when I know he's telling the truth, when he gets that look of deep concentration and he shrugs up his suave confident exterior to expose the man he really is. We spent almost every night together talking late into the night despite him having to wake up early for work the next day (Unfortunately he was caught by security a few times leaving my building - but because he is close to upper management he was able to get away with a lot more compared to other staff)

I was also able to leave the resort for the first time despite all the warnings to not do so. One moment I was playing cards with my friends, the next in a spur of the moment decision I was whisked away into a car full of Cuban staff - one of which was the GM of the entire hotel. Sitting in that dark car with Spanish music blasting as they all laughed and spoke Spanish was terrifying. The roads had no light and many pot holes, we turned after turn and sped down the road and I had no idea where we were going. Finally we pulled into another hotel where we got out the car, I tentatively followed the group of howling Cubans with Jorge and entered another disco. It was dark and had a few tourists but mostly it was Cubans who were dancing, drinking and smoking. I watched in awe as Jorge and his coworkers broke out into choreographed dance - hips swaying fluidly...rapid turns occurring in quick succession...I was in a different world and realized just how far apart I really was from Jorge when it came to culture.

Is this really how they live their lives? Series of lovers, dancing and drinking? I question whether I'd ever be comfortable in such an environment and it's a hollow feeling, seeing Jorge there within reach but a lifetime of different memories and experiences between us. The Spanish music continues to beat and soon he becomes just a whirl wind of motions that I could not keep up with.