Forbidden fruit

Before I begin with my Cuba trip part three *FYI: is coming up in 26 days* I should talk about what I have been doing since I've returned home. We ended up exchanging email addresses so the moment I landed, I already had an email from him burning a hole in my inbox. Despite it being a run-on sentence, it was surprisingly articulate which also confirms my suspicions that he has practise writing these kind of emails. So should I play it cool and respond asap? Or wait the customary few days before I answered him.

My coolness flew out the window.

The eager side of me won, as per usual, and I responded on my way home from the airport. I did not respond that I missed him as how he has expressed he missed me, instead I wrote that I missed Cuba in general as the weather back home was so cold in stark contrast to the hot climate I left behind.

Hmm, maybe the weather difference is also a useful metaphor for describing the difference between Sam and Jorge. Not saying that Sam is frigid or cold in any way, he's reliable and cozy to me. But in contrast, Jorge is all passion and lust. Maybe this is why so many tourists "fall in love" with Cubans. They are everything we are not, be it maybe a little more manipulative and sneaky, but they are definitely more outwardly charming, romantic and again passionate. Their confidence and demure are so tantalizing, like a forbidden fruit. And looking back on history, temptation of something forbidden usually causes rules to be broken. Common sense dictates that getting involved with a Cuban is a huge no-no, but telling someone NO only makes them more adamant in saying YES, GIMME MORE!

So in short, we have been emailing almost daily. During this time, I've frequented so many sites to, I suppose, get some answers or affirmation that I wasn't going insane. On the surface, I am leading a normal life, going back to work and hanging out with friends. I refrained from telling the truth to my friends about whether I ever saw Jorge again and I think it's because part of me knows that it is unacceptable and frowned upon to be keeping in contact with him. When asked, I may have told a lie about him not even being on the resort anymore. Sigh. Writing this down makes me feel even more horrible as a person. But I shall continue.

Life with Sam continues as if nothing has happened, but I can feel the change. Watching TV and cuddling with him, only to be daydreaming about Jorge. Sam takes me out on dates and picks up the bill, as do I, because our relationship is based on equality and we always stress that the money we make is shared, there is no keeping score. What's mine is yours, and yours is mine. That's fair. In comparison, I know with Jorge (to no direct fault) that it will never be "black and white" like that. He won't be able to take me out on dates nor do I feel compelled to be his sugar momma. What I should be doing seems like a no-brainer right? I know but maybe I just like the emotional challenge.