Sam

Going to take a little break and talk about Sam, my boyfriend, for a bit. You may be confused why Jorge is even in the picture if I have Sam.

In a very twisted way, I feel more confident that I won't be a "sucker" because I have Sam, and armed with an inability to commit to such thing as marriage - I also won't be a green card to any immigrants in the foreseeable future. I am purely just being quite a horrible person towards Sam and Jorge because neither knows about the other.

To be honest, my relationship with Sam is marred with deceit from both parties from the very beginning. I blame it on the fact that we started dating when we were still young and foolish - what high schooler goes into a summer relationship thinking it would last till now as we enter our mid-twenties? Time just flew by. We had our ups and downs. Break up and make ups, and now awaiting for the next step in life: moving in? getting engaged? Maybe I just wanted to broaden my horizon with experiences that I would never have back in my home country *mind out of gutters please - I didn't mean in THAT way* Sam is ever doting, ever faithful and always there when I needed him most. I am thankful I can hide behind my virtual mask because I am sure you would want to slap me silly right now. If I can say these nice things about Sam, what in the world am I doing in Cuba.

I have yet to find an answer for myself or for you. All I know is, there is definitely a certain degree of lust and maybe the thrill of being in a country that is cut off from the outside world - whatever happens here kind of does stay here *unlike Vegas - I've been to Vegas and shit does not remain in Vegas* I could be who I want here and all my responsibilities of being that girl who has to go to work and be that girlfriend whose always picking a fight with her boyfriend over trivial things.

So maybe this blog isn't purely about a relationship with a Cuban (I use the term relationship loosely - but I can't really say friendship with confidence either because there can be no relationship or friendship when it is based on such inequalities of wealth, and status - this sounds wrong but I don't mean being superior or anything offensive of that nature, just that we are two different people from two different worlds, Jorge and I) This blog is more about what the hell I am doing with my life and the lives of two very different men.

I will probably never leave Sam unless he decides he wants to go. I am simply a selfish girl who wants the best of both worlds and you are here along for the ride until I figure it out.